If Smartphones Operating Systems Had Twitter Posts

If Smartphones Operating Systems Had Twitter Posts

So, what would it be like if the major smartphone developers had twitter for their smartphones? And what I mean is, imagine the operating system is a person and that person has a twitter account, and were more entertainingly unhinged. I'll tell you right now, we'd probably know a lot more about what their about than what we get in ads. So after a few years in the cellular industry, here's my take, and of course its all in good fun. These are serious companies with serious important products...we hope.

1. Blackberry

(Posted 9/14; 10:01am) "For the LAST TIME I am NOT out of business! I'm still in the game! Have you heard of Blackberry 10? No? For the love of...."
(Posted 9/15; 9:55am) "Okay, so we have some seriously good stuff rolling out here but you gotta hang with me. I know the app market is cool and all but I'll get there. In the meantime just focus on Security, Security, Security. Only one smartphone comes fully encrypted. You know who to trust!"
(Posted 9/16; 9:23am) "I said TRUST! 2 million preorders for the iphone 5? Its the same thing as before with a taller screen and bigger processor. I can do twice as much crap on that processor as the iphone!"
(Posted 9/17; 7:57pm) "Pop Quiz: Some one sneaking in the dark uploads malicious malware to your facebook page then you sync with your phone. Who do you want guarding your front door? Blackberry = Security. Don't make that mistake!"
(Posted 9/19; 9:05am) "Once again, I am NOT OUT OF BUSINESS!" Don't you know me? I'm loaded for a decade of dominating this thing. I'm the big cheeze dog! And I'm about to make a comeback, its gonna be all Old School!"
Posted 9/23; 8:55am) "So an android phone walks into a bar and says, 'sorry this application has force closed.' ZING!"
Posted 9/25; 8:49am)"The app market is not down and yes blackberry ID and the email admin account are all necessary and still important. Don't you people watch 'When Hackers Attack!' Security, that's what matters! Don't get caught with your info being stolen."
Posted 9/26; 8:43am) "To the follower who posted a remark about my less than stellar sex appeal, I give you Blackberry 10."
Posted 9/29; 8:30am) "Daily Update: YES I AM STILL HERE!...BUY BLACKBERRY 10! I totally moved the launch date up to like January or December. It's coming, just wait. Have you seen what I can do here?"
Posted 9/30; 8:28am) "So far we have no preorders. What are you guys waiting on? Do you seriously want to be stuck with two phones for eternity...is that how this is gonna go down?"
Posted 10/3; 11:03pm) "Rethinking my life's goals right now. Maybe shoulda disbanded back in February. It's stupid cold in Canada and people want phones for movies and stuff now and that's just not been my thing. This has been tough on me. Lost a lot of money over the year...thinkin about hangin up my boots."
Posted 10/4; 7:22am) "Holy Crap! Remove Tweet! So sorry, don't know what I was on last night. I'm still in this, please don't give up! Let's get this back. Blackberry 10 Baby!"

2. WEB OS - Palm (HP)

(Posted 8/29; 3:45pm) "This is gonna be sooo cool you guys! We're gonna turn this thing around. Getting into the PC only business. It's gonna rock! Web OS on everyone's PC by 2013. Got it all figured out!"
(Posted 9/1; 3:09pm) "Android is so ridiculous! Even after all this time, they still can't match my multi-tasking. Have no idea why they're so popular. Anyway, PC thing is...moving along. Guess we're doing something with Microsoft, they seem kinda put off though. Didn't go as planned the first few meetings, we'll see what happens I guess."
(Posted 9/3; 2:31pm) "Okay, got a new boss. Guess we'ere not doing the PC thing. Gonna try sticking to smartphones. Got a line up with Verizon. Phone costs a lot though. Not sure why. There seems to be a lot of miscommunication."
(Posted 9/5; 4:11pm) "Totally got the sickest OS in the world folks. Way ahead of its time. Totally would have killed the iphone 3 years ago if it weren't for that one boss who set us up with shoddy manufacturing. So sorry about that, know a lot of you unfreinded me over that. Totally not my fault. But listen, it's not over, we're getting all over tablets and stuff, there's a lot of potential for a killer OS like me. I'm gonna try my hand at it all and maybe shelf the smartphone thing for a bit. Keep it real."
(Posted 9/7; 2:49pm) "Tablet thing went okay, got a new boss though and we're gonna take this in a whole new direction. THIS time for sure! It's all about applications and businesses today man. I don't have to sell over the ipad to do well. There are people willing to listen and I'm booked up with appointments. I'll keep you posted."
(Posted 9/13; 3:31pm) "Got a new boss...again...not sure what this one want's. We're still hangin in smartphones I guess. Losing a lot of money though. The other OS's still can't match my cool multi-task Card feature. No one else can web browse, conference call, and text, while playing a video all at once. I still got that on them. If I can just find the right person to promote me I'm sure I'll get back in this thing."
(Posted 9/21; 1:11pm) "Things are kinda confusing around here. Not really sure what's going on. Just kinda sticking to what we're doing. No new products, no news. Just, doin the same old. Waitin on people to see what I have to offer. A little worried about Blackberry 10. As bad as he's doing he's apparently got some kinda multi-task app switcher going on. Probably nothing, but I'll keep you posted."
(Posted 10/1; 4:51pm) "Just getting this in before dinner. Yeah, Blackberry did that whole multi-task thing. I mean its blackberry but it won't be long before someone is on par with what I can do. Kinda wish things were moving around here. Still no word from the boss. She just kinda watches stuff happen. Guess I'm also working kinda for free now. I'm free to put out there, not quite sure how that's gonna go. Trying to make sense of it all. Keep you posted. LOLZ."
(Posted 10/20; 9:08pm) "I am so smashed right now. Not sure why I'm tweeting. Probably nothing important. Maybe get back to you guys in December or something. Peace."

3. Windows Mobile

(Posted 9/09; 11:03am) "Whew! Did you see what happed at the last Microsoft Enclave, man we all had a great time! Tweet pictures around, the more the merrier, we need followers."
(Posted 9/10; 11:01am) "Get a load of this shot of me and Nokia having a ball, there were like, at least a dozen people there. You guys know, you saw it."
(Posted 9/14; 11:05am) "Dudes, check out my new look! I'm hip now, yo diggity! The kids are gonna com out of the wood work and pick this up. Tweet pics, later dawgs!"
Posted 9/15; 11:00am) "Wow, a whole like, three of you reposted comments about the rad new look. Appreciate it a lot homies. Glad you be diggin my style."
Posted 9/16; 11:07am) "In response to truthinwire0031, you're insinuation that sales numbers being low indicates a fan loss and your tired antic about 'old dogs and new tricks' are unappreciated. Oh, and you've been hacked by a virus. Good luck with that."
Posted 9/16; 11:22am) "Tweet Removed: NEW UPDATE. Windows Mobile 8 is off the hizzy! Can't talk about too much."
Posted 9/18; 11:15am) "So Android says I'm old and ready to go the way of the dinosaur. To that I say check out these new pics of us kick'n it new style at the new tech con. You're as old as you feel young."
Posted 9/21; 10:58am) "Tryin to get more of you guys off the tech blog and onto our new media network we're building. We can get out of the office too you know. Appreciate you all though."
Posted 9/22; 11:00am) "Need more followers. There's a PC in practically every home in America and all over the world. Can't imagine how Apple gets the image they do. We got just as much spizzaz right here! Holla Back if you know what I mean."
Posted 9/30; 11:10am) "Ah, Yeah. The site blew up last week! It was like every follower hit it up big time and gave a shout out. There must've been like twenty tweets! You guys are the best. Remember, Zune is here, there's now more ways to move all these great pics to your friends and relatives."
Posted 10/02; 11:23am) "I'd like to give a shout out to everyone who came to our app developer's reward banquet. It was a blast. I think we even had a member of the local press there too. You know that's gonna make small town front page news. Keep it real."
(Posted 10/4; 11:18am) "Windows Mobile 8 is gonna finally be the look that breaks me out of offices and onto the street. Just like last time, great new look with bonuses. Gotta winning formula for sure."
(Posted 10/6; 11:34am) "Just found out some awesome news! Gonna roll out the new look along with the new PC software AND tablet. Dude this is it! I, Windows Mobile am gonna show everyone what style I got when my new personality goes all over the whole Microsoft world! There's no way this can go wrong. Thanks everyone for believing in me. I'm stoked they finally deciced to take my winning style and make it the OS for PCs millions of followers. They won't know what hit 'em! Give me love everyone! I'm breakin out!"



4. Android (Google)
You are Posting on a secure network:
(Posted 8/19; 8:30pm) "More and more followers jumping on every day. Posted eight more links on the site earlier. The networking strategy is paying off. Got my hands into a everything from mobile, media, search engine, tablets, games; you name it. Team and ops leaders, keep sending in updates. Keep you posted."
(Posted 8/22; 9:03pm) "Phase One is complete. The ground level is in place. Phase Two is officially under way."
(Posted 8/25; 10:10pm) "Got a lock on another market today. Links are on the site. Noticed several user accounts were left up after posting some ideals not consistent with the plan. Let's stay on the ball, can't slip up here."
(Posted 9/1; 9:00pm) "It is true we are losing the younger generation to our motal enemy but it's fine. His highness doesn't even know what's about to happen. The pieces are moving into position and we have all the stops about to come off."
(Posted 9/5; 9:11pm) "Good recon work done about Blackberry 10, already got something in the work. We're gonna snuff that guy for good. He had his time, it's our time now. Stay the course."
(Posted 9/6; 8:11pm) "You wouldn't believe but we got the number 2 guy in the world taking the job to snuff BB. Already workin on something else just after putting up one of the biggest iphone killer jobs ever. Link is below, you know who I mean."
Posted 9/9; 7:57pm) "It's tough taking on a religion my friends. That kinda devotion is hard to compete with, but it won't be long before we control the information. The day is coming."
Posted 9/11; 9:00pm) "Phase Two is all but completed. We have the religious zealots of Apple cornered in several markets. Operation Round Up is moving beutifully. Can't believe its this easy. It's like they don't even know."
Posted 9/20; 9:21pm) "Things are moving well, thanks for the updates team leaders. Keep adding politicians, it won't be long now. Remember, slow and steady. Like the frog in a boiling pot. If you turn the heat up slowly over time, by the time he seneses the rise in heat, its too late!"
Posted 9/25; 8:45pm) "By now most of you have heard, Samsung is gonna do BB when he launches again at the same time as BB10. And what luck! Stupid Windows went all in with the new Windows 8, at the same time! It's like they just walked into the same line of sight for our guy! Oh, Samsung's gonna do 'em both, and for no more than what we agreed on. That's devotion my friend. That's why he is what he is."
Posted 10/2; 8:13pm) "iOS's maps app is a tragic failure and our app market is now far more diverse. Open market versus closed market. We've got app developers rivaling all their best stuff, Facetime, Siri, itunes...okay so maybe not itunes. But we're getting there, and we've got all the newest technology on our end. It's already over. We can see Apple's high noon and it was in the past. The sun is setting over the Apple world my friends. Apples highly devoted team of engineers can't compete with the enginuity of hundreds of thousands of engineers we created for FREE out of John Q. Public! The masses shall rise!"
Posted 10/6/ 9:00pm) "Blueprints for phase three are finalized. They won't know what hit 'em. All the pieces are falling into place. I leave you with my new favorite quote, 'I sang a song and they danced, I played a dirge and they wept.' Feel the Power of Droid."

This Posts is on a Public Twitter Account
(Posted 8/19; 8:35am) "New ads contrasting lagging Apple software to my own; links to ads below."
(Posted 9/12; 8:20am) "Remember today is as a day of world peace and unity. Remember all those who have sacrified. Reflect on the global world that is today and what we can do to make the world a better place."
(Posted 9/20; 8:31am) "New apps coming all the time, check links below."
(Posted 9/29; 8:20am) "I would like to show my respect for Blackberry as he attempts Blackberry 10. The best of luck and all of my best software and products are again at his disposal to rent or contract."
(Posted 10/2; 8:29am) "Just in; Launching a new phont with Samsung! This guys rocks! He's gonna do it again right around Christmas or something. Great idea Samsung, way to put up competition."
Posted 10/5; 8:34am) "I would just like to thank the many wonderful people out their investing in Google products. Continue to be the best, Droid believes in all of you!"



5. iOS (Apple)

(Posted 8/10; 2:30am) "I thank the millions of you who have been waiting for this iconic launch we have planned. All the wait will finally be over. And this phone is going to be everything you wanted it to be. All your hopes and dreams, the fruit of our labor, the model of perfection, it will be the next chapter in your life."
(Posted 8/11; 2:29am) "I am so happy for each one of you to be getting this phone, those of you who have shown your devotion by expressing your interest in paying down for it, we have noticed and you are in good standing. To the rest of you I must ask...what is your devotion to Apple? How much do you love it? How much do you need it? Is Apple the center of your life?"
(Posted 8/12; 2:32am) "Take some time to reflect today, on the beauty, serenity, and perfection of Apple."
(Posted 8/13; 2:31am) "After our last legal battle we have openings for the legal team representing me. You see folks, there are those who succeed because they love Apple more than life itself and those who...for lack of a better term...are just not ready for that commitment. They will be sorely missed and it is hoped they come around. I am asking for the best of my devoted following to answer the call of Apple and step in to this  wonderful opportunity to meet a higher calling. Link is below."
(Posted 8/22; 5:15am) " It is alright to have doubts dear flock, but do not gunuienly questions the perfection of Apple. The enemy seeks to steal your resolve and your devotion. We are working to 'purge' anything that is unclean from iOS, even those things that I have offered in grace to those struggling with things of the non-Apple world, such as Youtube and Google Maps. Rest assured your prayers for navigation and video streaming will be answered."
(Posted 8/24;5:10am) "Worship times and space made available at Apple.com are from 12:00am - 11:59pm, Monday through Sunday. The forums and media shrine has been updated to better serve you."
(Posted 8/25; 1:20am) "In response to a swarm of followers panicked by the posting of our worship times, we will clarify. The minute between 11:59:00 pm and 12:00:00 am IS available for online tribute. There is indeed no time when tribute to Apple is not appropriate."
(Posted 9/1; 1:22am) "For those of you inquiring as to the removal of applications and other features from iOS, I say that you have shown the doubt in your heart. Your uncleanliness has shown itself and for your own good you will not what it is to be without iphone. Those who have shown their lack of devotion have been removed from the pre-order list for iphone 5. I am very sorry, it is a tragedy that so many fall from favor, but it is a greater tragedy to fall from faith. Perhaps in time you will learn through hardship."
(Posted 9/3; 124am) "To the great outpouring of souls giving and spending their life savings for a chance to reap iphone 5; we have seen your devotion. Continue to prove yourselves worthy and the doors of opportunity and forgiveness may open to you."
(Posted 9/10; 3:40am) "The Dawn of iphone 5 is here! And as many of you move into this next phase in your life I am honored by the level of devotion you show with your pre-orders. Even still there are those who have shown their lack of faith. There are doubts over the size of the screen, doubts about the new maps application, doubts about the very necessity of this phone. My dear flock, in these hours before the dawn it is not uncommon for naysayers to arise. Shun those who disbelieve and hold tight to the beauty and perfection of apple."
(Posted 9/21; 3:30am) "On this the eve a new adventure, take time to reflect on the evenings events. Tomorrow a new day comes!"
(Posted 9/21; 8:00am) " SPECIAL TWEET - It's here, It's here! Shout for joy! Sing to the earth and the sky! Follow every happy smile on our apple store exit cam! What a wonderful moment for so many of the most devoted!"
(Posted 9/23; 4:11am) "To those who are still waiting to take this journey, hold fast! Those quickest in the gate are certainly looked upon with favor, but remain diligent and all things will become clear."
(Posted 9/25; 4:20am) "Be on the lookout for the disbelievers who speak ill of the screen size and shape, or the maps application. We knew these double-minded fellows would come along. Know that everything Apple does it does for a reason. Your screen is the way it is to make it larger without being cumbersome, the maps app is given to those who were weak in heart who needed it before its proper finish. But have you faith in Apple, it will soon be better than the former things because all things that come from Apple are perfect."

(Posted 9/28; 4:08am) " I have taken note that criticisms of iOS 6 often go unchallenged. I do realize the pure zen of using the new phone is incapacitating but we have a battle to fight and the 1several thousand dislikes the new Droid Ad recieved on its own Youtube were not enough to show the perfection of Apple. Remember, Droid lurks in the darkness seeking whom he may devour."