6 Reasons the World of Scooby Doo is a Paradise

I once read an opinion article describing how for various reasons Scooby-Doo, the children's cartoon show, is set in a world that is truly terrifying. Some good points were made and I value those points. For awhile I agreed. Why is it that talented scientists and engineers are resorting to petty theft and fraud? Is it economic collapse like never seen? Why is it that most every town seems deserted and devoid of people despite there being lots of large buildings and developed cities? Is this a zombie apocalypse aftermath?  How is it that every town has a haunting, disappearance or tragic accident or kidnapping with little to no state or police involvement? Perhaps a completely bankrupt and shattered government?

Mind you this is the old Scooby-Doo, not the new one. That one is of course a whole new discussion of its own, but I digress. I took those questions to heart and then took them to a true Scooby-Doo fan for life, my wife. Putting these things into perspective we came up with a list of reasons why the world of Scooby-Doo is actually a veritable paradise compared to our world. Many of the reasons stand out, and some you have to dig for. Here's reason number one.

1. The Class of Crimes Committed

So read the newspaper of our world and the crimes listed will be mass shootings, warring drug cartels, genocide, home invasion, human trafficking, identity theft, gang violence, arson, rape, kidnappings, and the list goes on and on. Every day there's a new story of something more terrible. Heck, as of this writing there were over 50 murders in Chicago so far this year alone. The city is off to a blazing start and their not the only one. We get to hear about things like the Sandy Hook Massacre, or the round up of and starvation of 30-40 Ethiopian Christians in Saudi Arabia, or we get to see videos of countless bodies of shot civilians being dumped into a river in Syria. Or even heads on a pike in Mexico. It's all quite insane and if you pay attention to it all you can become rather depressed very quickly.

But what kind of crimes are being committed in the world of Scooby-Doo? Drug violence? Nope. Gang wars? Nope. Murder? Not even that. I have seen a kidnapping but its mostly Daphne anyways (we'll cover that later), and mostly fraud and petty theft. Honestly you can make all the case in the world you want about how every town has a fraudster or how silent thieves are educated scientists that should be making millions, but compare that to every town having a member of a drug cartel looking for people to kidnap to sell into sex slavery or a gang member or recluse sociopath out to punish society with bullets.

One of these two monsters is far more frightening than the other.

I don't know about you, but when the scariest thing in your world is some guy in a mummy costume trying to scare you off, or even someone in a mechanical dinosaur just making a mess of stuff to spook you away from a stash of gold, that's cake I'll eat any day over lunatics, mass-murderers, drug cartels, and even sometimes the government believe it or not.

Score one for the world of Scooby-Doo for not having to deal with Kim Jong Il, Al Quida, or the likes of MS-13.

2. Bad guys are programmed to psychologically forfeit when knocked off their feet.

One thing that continues to baffle me in Scooby-Doo is how the gang seems to solve a mystery, "trap" the bad guy and then unmask him to reveal it all, when all the bad guy had to do is get up and run. Seriously, sometimes the masked villain simply falls or trips and then just sits there like he's been beaten. Then slowly the group encircles him taking extra time to dialogue before removing a mask to reveal that the monster is in fact someone they met earlier in the episode.

This guy's not even tied up, worn out or anything, he's just...

beaten I guess.

It's really quite surreal (if I can say that without loosing grammatical points), because you know that in this world he would be up on his feet in no time at best running off and at worst pulling a glock from his coat. It's not just a single episode or some, it's most episodes, and you could make a case for about all of them. You don't have to tie anyone up, don't have to trap them in a room, no handcuffs, good beat downs or even a disabling shot in the leg, just...you know... trip him or something. When he falls down he'll give up. Walk up and unmask him. This would be about like expecting to set down a small cage with no bait and waiting for the mouse to come out and trap himself in it just because you had the cleverness to set a trap and wait for him.

In our real world crime is serious business and most serious criminals have at least half the sense to be able to get up and run or even fight back rather than hang their head as a less than built blonde-haired teenager approaches them. I don't know why they're all so intimidated, out of all of them Fred is the most sizable and he really doesn't look all that tough. In the old show we never saw a real tussle because no one ever had to. But to get an idea of their martial prowess, the modern Scooby-Doo movies established that a dainty Daphne is a harder hitter than Fred, so really the average criminal should be able to best just about everyone in the gang hand to hand, maybe all at the same time even. It's not like Scooby is a scary attack dog or Shaggy knows Ju-Jitsu. And at some point it doesn't matter if Daphne is remade to know kung-fu, she weighs maybe 120 after her height is factored in. If you still believe the Hollywood fantasy that tiny people can crush big monsters with great knowledge simply pay attention to the professional fighting circuit, they have weight classes for a reason. The villains of Scooby-Doo are pre-programmed to surrender when they stumble slightly and its not because they cant get away. Apparently the resolve of criminals in that world is akin to a delicate flower. How nice that would be.

3. The abundance of helpful, hospitable, and trustworthy strangers.

If there's one thing you can count on in every episode its helpful and gracious strangers whom the gang has never met ready to offer them lots of time, lodging, comfort, lots of food (sometimes all of it without even minding, like when Shaggy and Scooby clear a family's dinner table in seconds and are met with laughter), directions, advise, transportation...you name it they will offer it. No one will complain, think they are taken advantage of or even act like they had anything better to do.

In the real world, people can indeed be friendly, but its hard to get people to go in on a pizza together sometimes, much less buy me a whole 10 course meal and laugh about how fast I eat it. People that provide for us are usually the closest friends or family. I can't expect to walk up to a strange couple at Applebee's, sit down and talk about a crime, clear their plates for them in seconds that they paid for, and expect to walk out of there without either a) paying for it, or b) a bruised face.

 When I worked on the road for a non-profit media company just out of college one way we could keep our hotel budget down was to ask people if they could put us up for a night in their home. Believe me, when you're a young man touring the country in a tinted window white van its hard to get anyone to even speak with you for more than 30 seconds, much less invite you into their home. People react in fear before hospitality.

And that makes the world of Scooby-Doo so amazing. If people can afford to be that trusting and fearless, then that indicates a world where everyone is amazingly safe and innocent. And who cares if strangers just walk in and clear a week's supply of food to live on, it must mean we have plenty of money and food to spare. When good food is that cheap and easy, you can afford to drop it carelessly into a black hole.

And I meant Black Hole. It is made abundantly

clear in every episode 10 lbs, of solid food is only a brief snack.

Their stomachs seriously empty into another dimension.

And while we are at it, if everyone  has plenty of beds, bathrooms, electricity, and space to share with absolute strangers, hey this is sounding like a better and better deal all the time. I'm pretty sure the world of Scooby-Doo is up by quite a few points by now.


4. The ease with which international borders can be crossed without major incident or fear.

The next one could be written off as a product of just cartoon making. But it still stands as part of the show. The gang's only transportation in the first series is the Mystery Machine. An old van that Fred keeps going with probably nut shots and juvenile insults. But they and the vehicle end up in exotic places like Italy, Greece, China, and so on and so forth. In a lot of these places there's someone who invited them so it makes some kind of sense. But its a cheap explanation like trying to explain to your boss that you missed work because you were not feeling well by putting a band-aid over your arm or something. Its just as adequate and hardly explains a thing.

Everywhere they go there's going to be several things no matter what, a) lots of people that speak perfect English, b) No security around historical, government, or treasured sites, c) plenty of well prepared and safe food, d) no one questioning their intentions or documentation, and e) no laws restricting their mode of transportation or the importing of valuable relics or items. Seriously, They've broken into, government sites, museums, houses, offices, hotels, castles, labs, underground lairs, tombs, restricted areas, airports, and shipping docks without ever having encountered a security guard or authority. It begs the question, what truly is the state of international affairs when 4 American teenagers and their dog can freely roam (and destroy) parts of an ancient ruin in Turkey or Egypt?

We are here to make sure you kids are having a good time.

Mystery? What do you think we do here, solve crimes? What's that?

Despite causing damages or disrespecting what has to be under the control of law, they have never been jailed, arrested, or even sternly spoken to. Either they're a world-renown rock band that gets away with anything they want, or the world is so relaxed a monkey could make off with top secret documents or national treasure. Although the group was in its original inception supposed to be band, there is no evidence of the world renown thing that would have to have the star power of the Beatles, Elvis, and the Queen of England combined to get into the places they do without punishment.

5. The honor of criminals and their respect for civilian integrity and safety, especially women.

The next part is curious to me. In our world I am very protective of people I care about. My parents and family were too and when we grew up Mom and Dad always made sure that my sister never went anywhere alone. Me and my brother could, but not my sister. Why? Is this misogyny at work? Actually, no. It is a well documented fact that women are targets for certain types of crimes because they are seen as vulnerable. In particular harassment or sexual advances, and at the worst, even kidnapping or violent crimes.

In our world human trafficking is something that captures boys and girls alike but the number of girls captured and sold into the slave trade is by far the lion share of the trafficking. With the criminals that exist today, many gangs and even terrorist organizations are getting in on the slave trade. The very thought of allowing a young girl to walk somewhere by herself should make someone shutter given the statistics that exist. They certainly should not be wandering into swamps, abandoned houses, mansions, and castles, dark warehouses, cemeteries, crypts, crime scenes, and centers of criminal activity.

Of course that is exactly what the gang does every episode and part of the regular protocol is for Daphne to get captured and be put in peril. Now Daphne is the damsel in distress in most every episode and its a role that can be played by anyone but she seems built for. Velma seems to get off the hook by looking homely I suppose. Daphne does not.

Daphne Blake: Damsel in Distress

(It's on her business card.)

It stands out that Daphne is the attractive one and probably the girl that can grab a man's attention, especially a man with ill-intentions. But that is what is so amazing. Despite being chased and captured, even bound and gagged at times by hundreds of criminals running illegal operations, nothing bad has ever happened to Daphne. Seriously, she gets captured, hidden somewhere, then found later by the gang or she frees herself. No one makes so much as a pass at her, much less think about anything else. She is for all intensive purposes treated with complete and utter dignity and respect. The girl walks into an abandoned castle by herself with 3 known maniacs in monster costumes running around and emerges without a scratch.

Shaggy really wishes he were a lot prettier

right now.

In a world where we cant let our daughters play outside by themselves in some parts any more it's quite a shock to actually watch this behavior reap no bad consequences. What this goes to show is that in the world of Scooby-Doo, every criminal is...well...a gentlemen at heart. They may be trying to commit fraud or steal things but they sure know how to respect a lady.

On top of this the criminals always seem to pick secluded places to do most of their stuff. They seem to go out of their way to keep from harming civilians too. Now it is true that from time to time they can get playful, like the Ghost Clown, but given the choice of whether to beat someone over the head and get away without being caught, they'll snatch in plain sight and risk being chased. Reckless car chases and explosive booby traps? Hardly. If they have a stash, the treasure is pretty much always un-secure, just waiting for the group to pick it up and "liberate" it. Now compare that to say international terrorists. I think the world of Scooby-Doo is up pretty big at this point.

6.The Bad Guys needlessly attract attention to themselves

Another thing that gets me about Scooby-Doo is how the villains committing their petty theft or fraud tend to draw needless attention to themselves. For example, there are several episodes where the group is literally trying to leave or in the act of leaving when the villain pops out as the monster and tries to "scare them away."  Or even in some cases go out of their way to scare people away from a place they're not even trying to protect only to make tracks taking them back to the stash. Pretty half-witted if you ask me. The group gets interrupted or even pulled back to the scene by a missing member (usually Daphne). Then intrigued by the guy in an old Indian Chief costume they stick around to see whats up and bust his operation.

Most operations today take research and servailance to bust for a reason, the operation is hidden from plain sight. It stands to reason that operating out of an abandoned mansion, especially one you own, would go much better if you didn't trash the neighbor's yards in a Werewolf costume. The chances are they are going to call the cops, or worse, the Mystery Machine might roll into town. Where there was no one caring before now there is an investigation and only a matter of time.

Above: The makings of a subtle operation.

It just makes sense that if you hadn't have chosen a four story Loch Ness Monster costume to fit around your mini-sub to sneak illegally imported watches into your castle you wouldn't have been noticed by anyone in the first place. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out. Which is bad because apparently many Scooby-Doo villains are accomplished scientists with lots of money and resources to build things like 30 foot moving statues and mechanical dinosaurs. Its a wonder if what they are stealing is worth what they invested.

Honestly if the villains of our world were this discrete we wouldn't need detectives or CSI units or any other investigators whatsoever other than the basic street cop to show up and walk a willing, well mannered, and psychologically half-baked crook to jail. This one should be a no brainer. The world of Scooby-Doo sounds great to me. Mainly because I would love to be able to build my own dinosaur as well...you know, since everyone else can.