How To: Award Winning Journalism - A Writer's Guide to Modern News Reporting
If you are like me then you can get really depressed listening to or reading the news. It seems that news outlets not only have figured out that chaos sells but seriously have spammed the method into a dogma. It's like there is no room for anyone to write an article in any other method. Kind of like when the world finds out what is popular and spams it to death, destroying the world in the process; like in the 90's when the music industry found out tweens would invariably blow mom and dad's money on boy bands. The results were catastrophic.
Just like that horrendous scenario you have the same issue today with news. You can just see a group of news execs sitting around a table looking at their readership slumping and going, "gentlemen, we need to boost our readership. Any thoughts?" "We should publish community specific information." "Too much work." "How about publishing positive stories of people doing good things?" "Too controversial. We can't mention half the organizations that do good stuff because their not secular anyway." "How about we offer our readers a broader base of information to increase our interest level?" "Johnson, your fired! Who else has an idea?" "WE NEED TO CREATE A CRISIS!!!!" "By golly Sketchy Tim is right! People will always soak up a crisis!" "But we've beaten crisis like a dead horse! What is there to publish after we say the world is ending?" *dramatic pause*
"The world is ending faster!" Says the sharp young guy on the corner of the table with slick 80's hair. The big boss laughs, "give that guy a raise! So what do we have to lead with tomorrow?" "Nuns delivering meals to homeless or how unconfirmed evidence indicating sugar now causes cancer is concerning a guy in Fresno." Big boss slams his fist on the table, "by golly sugar is in everything! That's brilliant! Dump the nuns!"
You can see what I mean. And it goes beyond the frantic exploding of small topics. It all goes into the article as well. Anything can become a disaster if you word the headline or article correctly. Two shoppers don't greet each other, they "exchange words from a distance." You headline a school board meeting with, "Parents and Teachers Meet With Controversy Looming". When you think about it your like, "when is there not controversy looming?" But I digress. The point is that news outlets seem to believe so highly in the success of chaos that they are turning everything into chaos. It's like that attention grabbing troublemaker in the family who says things just to incite people to mistrust and get angry with each other. The effects can be quite devastating too, just like in your family. What with all the white people are like this, black people are doing this, Christians think this, Muslims are trying to do this, its because parents don't...etc. You get the picture right? So with that said here is my Writer's Guide to Modern News Reporting.
1. As a place to start: it doesn't matter how small your subject seems. It is all that matters.
I don't care if your news is so slow all you have to write on is the dangers of not feeding pets the right balance of specialty food or the new bridge renovation on 52nd Street; you know, the one no one drives on. Your job is to tell the story like the universe itself depends on this event. It's all in tone, really. If you are writing about city improvements, make the previous state of the city seem a nightmare, no matter how it was before. "The city finished the much anticipated repairs on the 52nd Street Bridge yesterday. And not a moment too soon for some residents were fearing at some point the renovations would never get done. It was after a week that local resident Maggie Swartz began to worry. 'I didn't want it to become a long term project, it was beginning to look dreadful.' Thankfully the city finished the renovations just in time as unforeseen problems were inevitable."
And never for any reason allow yourself to put the article in perspective by talking about real issues. Mentioning the scope of the subject in contrast to the world around it is a terrible idea. This can be genuinely troubling stuff like genocide, starvation, and disease but also closer things to your subject. For example, mentioning decaying streets in New York while talking about your bridge will ruin your whole article. Be careful of any words that require detailed exposition while loading the article with keywords that create importance such as anticipated, overwhelming, vital, immense, and such. Get this basic down and you are on your way.
2. Use the right words to create a perception of conflict through preconceived notions.
You can change the whole tone and urgency of your article by leaving out key words and using others that will beg your reader to insert conflict between the lines depending on their preconceived notions and expectations. For example, "Local Pastor Gets Into Exchange With Secular Professor," begs your reader to assume an aggressive confrontation based on preconceived notions. In reality their "exchange" could be a pleasant conversation in the line at Dunkin Donuts or a glance from the professor as the pastor accidentally cut in front of him. They both said excuse me and it was the end. It really doesn't matter. Your article needs conflict!
Creating conflict can make mundane things seem like a big deal. "Man Falls In Busy Street" and "School Bus Full of Kids Has Near Miss" can easily hide mundane incidences that may or may not be even the focus of the article. The point is a perception of conflict gets attention and manufactures a crisis. "Group of Armed Black Men Surround White Man's Business - What They Did Next Left People Shocked." (Actual article headline about a group of men volunteering to protect business owners from Fergueson vandals.) "Church Protesters Rally in front of Abortion Clinic..."(to peacefully hand out flyers at a safe distance and pray). Regardless of what the article is about, you are bound to get attention by using these societal perceptions to create conflict.
3. Using semi-related things that are interesting or eye grabbers to garner your readers' attention is fine.
So your article is about the new park in town, not anymore, now its about the growing epidemic of childhood obesity. Article about the next summer heatwave, nope, now its about Global Warming. Article about a local arrest? Not so fast, make it about police brutality or government power and you have a winner. Maybe its about a random act of vandalism downtown...not interesting...about racial conflict? Bingo. You have to get this article read so wrap it into something everyone cares about.
Actually, I want to tweek this one. It really doesn't have to be semi-related. Literally start your article talking about the threat of China and then go into your article about NFL collectibles. Really its fine, advertisers on websites pay according to page hits or visibility and that's what gets ratings so why bother writing an actual article just so long as they click the danged thing, right?
4. Offend the right people.
It goes without saying that if you believe chaos creates good news then you need things to cause chaos over. You can't do that without conflict. So...create conflict! The first part of this is find out who your readership is and then offend the perceived opposite party. If your readership is young people, offend old people. If its conservatives, offend liberals. If its atheists, offend Christians. It's quite simple really. Everyone wants to hear about how bad the guy who disagrees with them is. It makes them feel better in comparison. That's popular stuff.
The only exception is to be careful with what you say. Going after organizations that tend to go after journalists or media artists with lawsuits such as large corporations, political activist groups, and celebrities can backfire in a big way. Its safer to pick on people that either don't sue because they are too nice, have to tolerate a lot for their public image, or don't have the money or legal means to; such as poor people as well as most churches, charities, electable politicians, or foreigners.
5. Take things out of context...constantly.
It always makes you more legit when you can quote people backing up your created conflict or chaos. Sometimes people don't cooperate with this. That's okay, don't panic. You control the pen and the paper so guess what? You can make them say whatever you want without them saying it! Isn't that exiting! It's like being the person who gets to write history. You have the power. And if you were honest with yourself, this is probably why you got into journalism. To either be the guy who writes objective and reasonable stuff to counter all the dirtbags making things up or to be one of those dirtbags. And since every media organization now knows its the dirtbags who make money, that's who's writing most of the news; so congrats dirtbag!
Anyways, getting what you want is not about the answers people give, its all about your questions. People will say just about anything you need them to if you ask the right question. No one really mad about the city's new parking ordinance? Ask them what else they are upset about. Chances are you will get something that will fit the narrative you are trying to build that will support your crisis.
"The issue with the parking ordinance has become a symbol of the lack of considerateness in city hall. When asked if they felt the city forgot about them, some residents said they feel the city doesn't do enough to look out for their interests. "It does take them awhile to get to things," said June Mason. Local resident George Ramos also gave his opinion, "sometimes traffic is heavy and you can't find a place to park...all their efforts would be better served revamping our streets and schools." That's class A material there. No need to get an agreement at all.
6. Use attention grabbing words in your headline.
Using the right words will get people's attention. Also, as much ALL CAPS RAGE! as possible is great, trust me, it doesn't matter how mundane your news is. "BREAKING - DUCK DYNASTY STAR MAKES SHOCKING ANNOUNCEMENT!" So the article is about Uncle Si's line of iced tea products. Does it really matter? Anything can be important done the right way. Make sure to use extreme words like shocking, catastrophy, epidemic, horde, rage, or plight. Humans are programmed to zero in on threats, dangers, or exiting things by thousands of years of conditioning, use it to your advantage.
Also, don't use words spammed by telemarketers, infomercials, email spammers, or advertisers. If you choose to do so the ruse will be up. Worst offenses include, "You have to see this to believe it, amazing, innovative, revolutionary, and groundbreaking discovery!" The public is on to spammers and product advertisers but they still have a few years left before you spam screamo-news to the same level of apathy. Using the right words is a sure ways to make your mundane story an award-winning nominee.
"JUST IN - DRIVING EPIDEMIC ONLY GETTING WORSE!"
"RAGE IN DENVER - YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS!"
"SHOCKING! YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT MOSQUITO CANNON HAS TO SAY ABOUT DISHONEST NEWS!"
7. Find a way to make someone a victim and make sure your reader likes them.
But remember, if you pick the wrong victim you could lose your readership. Everyone likes to defend a victim, but you might appeal to their attention to chaos while turning them away by making them question their prejudices. That leads us to our last point of instruction.
8. Keep it simple stupid, make people identify with your victim, and always side with the reader's prejudice.
People love to read about chaos but they hate things that are complicated. Make every conflict one-sided. You may be tempted to present both angles, and that is surely what an honest, objective, peace-making person would do. But you are not that person are you? At least not if this is how you do journalism and at this point you may not have a job if you aren't judging by all the articles that are getting published right now. In making the argument one-sided you have to very carefully present the side your reader will favor. Presenting them with the wrong side will instantly cause a reader revolt that will affect your ratings, which will affect your advertising. You can't afford that can you?
It is true that from time to time the reader will see through your bias and question your one-sided nature. Despite the entertaining of stereotypes and prejudices all throughout our culture of every people group, people still want to feel like they are objective and you will have to win them over. It is advisable then to make this task easier by representing the other side with a straw-man argument. This is an argument that is terribly simple, faulty, and set up intentionally to represent the side that is not supposed to be right as inferior. Doing so helps you appeal to your audience.
Also, to create a broader appeal and ensure you are inclusive of the most people, use wide sweeping generalities that describe large groups of people yourself. For instance, your article about Kim and Kanye; its between men and women. The article about Ferguson is not between Mike Brown's family and Officer Wilson, its between Whites and Blacks. The article about the issue between Tim Tebow and the Denver Broncoes, its about an issue between Christians and the NFL. By doing this you ensure the maximum amount of readers you reach identify with the victim. Pulling them toward you as if you are some sort of savior. See, doesn't that feel nice?
Well that's it sir or madam. You're on your way to destroying the world...i mean an illustrious career in journalism. Remember, anytime you fell guilty about what you are doing just know that you only tell people the facts, what they do with it is up to them. If the country or whole world ends up ablaze, it had nothing to do with you. And I'd take that to the bank...so long as its still there after the world collapses into conflict. But hey, more stuff to report on! Right!?
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